when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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