Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Randomize
