She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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