I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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