for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
