I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
