I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
