I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
