i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
