do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
