you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My ass is underappreciated
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
