Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
