Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
