When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
