What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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