No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
