I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
