i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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