It's like a parade of train wrecks.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
