wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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