I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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