Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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