New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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