Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
