He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
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If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
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Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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