You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
