Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Come share oat with me in your robe
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
