i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
