well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
