both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
