hell yes lets make some ravioli
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
