just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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