So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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