As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
