when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im holly from the hills drunk
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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