By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
