I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
