I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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