super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
my poor anus
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
