He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
