I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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