I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
