wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
