literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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