Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
