I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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