I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize