i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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