Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
