Pants 0. Shit 1.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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