I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize