the condom got lost in my hair
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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