When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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