One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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