marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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