i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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