I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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