Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
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he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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