would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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