So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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