Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize