I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
