After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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