Just cropdusted the office
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
