before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
