Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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