Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
