You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Please don't give away my fajitas
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
