Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
