Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
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Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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