Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
